For a writing challenge in April, Matthew Naqvi has set Terry and the Wordsmiths of Melton a challenge to take a piece of writing and re-write it in the third person. I know I'm just a figment of his imagination, but Terry has asked me to the same thing with my story. Call it what you like he said, just the first page or two, whatever you like. He thinks I don't have enough to do I'm doing year twelve now and time is a precious thing, however I guess a couple of pages wont hurt.
Any way take a look at what I've done to the first pages of his story Toby Farrier.
At ten o'clock, my mates and me, started pushing the desk home from Ramsey’s Auction House on Sydney Road. We were a curiosity to the Saturday morning shoppers who
watched us, but I was happy with my choice and didn't care.
Slasher and his cronies waited at the corner of Slater Street. I was
determined to push past.
‘Where you reckon you twerps are goin’?’ He said.
Freckles, jealous of Slashers role in the gang was next to chime in, ‘Yeah
and what you got here then? Some kind of piano?’ I was ready to attack.
Slasher lifted the dust cover, looked at me and sneered. ‘Old bookworm
here has got himself a beat up, old desk. Wouldn't you reckon his mum and dad
would buy him a new one?’ He reached out and grabbed me by the shirt. I stepped forward
until our noses touched. I smelled cigarettes on his breath, I wanted to choke him, but let him have the
rest of his say. ‘But no, that’s right; his parents don’t care about him.
Chucked him out, years ago, for being the useless piece of crap he is.’ I felt spittle spray onto my face. We
pushed and shaved a bit until I stumbled and crashed into back the desk. Ben
and Nathan steadied it as I bounced up again.
The gang saw an opportunity and started to push and shove the boys. Not
in a violent way, just enough to let us know they wanted to rumble one day.
I was ready and this time I stepped into Slasher’s space. ‘Tough,’ I
said. ‘but if it was just you and me, I wonder how brave you would be if I
found you out here on your own?’
He didn't like that. ‘Any time, Creep,’ He said, ‘you just bring it
on.’
I put a hand on his chest and pushed past him. ‘Yeah, but we both know,
bullies aren’t as tough when the odds are even.’ I said. ‘we've gotta go.’ I
poked my finger onto the chest of the spotty one. ‘Better put a hat on,
Freckles.’ I said and flashed an insincere grin at him. ‘I’d hate to see you
get burnt.’ I said.
‘Rack off, Farrier.’ Freckles said and slapped my hand away.
Slasher must
have seen Pop watching from the front gate, ‘Let ‘em pass, fellas.’ He made a
sweep with his hand and turned to me. ‘We’ll get ‘em later and when we do, we’ll
do them real slow.’
I wasn't intimidated.
The gang parted and we pushed past. We rolled trolley up to Pop who
waited at the gate until we arrived.
